Does Cheating Spell The End?
Have you found your Mr or Mrs Right? Are you worried that you’re not theirs?
Lately, a decent handful of Singapore’s population view marriage as more of a luxury than a life goal, a course of action that only those who have found their ideal partner can afford.
But this doesn’t mean that locals aren’t on the lookout for love — evidenced by the widespread use of dating apps across the nation; one in four Singapore residents have used dating apps, many of whom turn to Tinder or localised dating platform Coffee Meets Bagel.
In the modern age, basic needs for attention and comfort can be met by simply being in a relationship with a person, without the looming dread of lifetime commitment.
As the lines blur between a capricious connection and an emotionally involved relationship, romantic cheating occurs indifferently, and far too often.
Granted, the topic of cheating in relationships is not treated with the same gravity as infidelity in marriages, because the latter can result in dissolution of marriage and subsequent legal battles.
All the same, cheating in all romances is a direct breach of trust between partners, and typically stems from unmet needs or dissatisfaction.
Of those who cheat, many of them claim that they do so as a result of their partner’s inattentiveness, a lack of perceived chemistry, or because their feelings of romantic attraction have faded with the passage of time.
These ‘justifications’, however, only add insult to injury, as the person who suffers as a result of their partner’s unfaithfulness may begin harbouring insecurities that can impact their self-worth or relationships with others.
Many of us are of the opinion that cheating is an absolute dealbreaker for any relationship, and there’s a myriad of reasons for this belief; Some feel that cheating forever alters the course of a romance, as the thought of somebody else receiving affection from their lover is too hard to stomach.
A handful of people find that a partner’s willingness to cheat indicates unfathomable disrespect towards them as individuals and the relationship as a whole, bringing the connection to a halt.
The most worrisome part, all things considered, when dealing with a cheater, is that they would cheat again.
The ghost of past infidelity casting its shadow over a relationship can erode the very foundation of trust that it is built upon. The scars left by this breach of faith run deep, leaving a lingering sense of vulnerability and doubt in its wake.
As people who relate to the phrase ‘once bitten, twice shy’, we understand the rationale behind the reluctance to forgive an unfaithful partner, as perspectives have the potential to be completely warped by the traumatic experience — anyone that a past cheater interacts with could be seen as a threat to the relationship.
In the event that both parties in a relationship make the difficult decision of persisting through a relationship regardless of infidelity, it will take no less than moving mountains to address its underlying issues. Come what may, the likelihood of a relationship’s continuity depends on the strength of its foundations.
Different root issues also warrant particular solutions. For instance, when one party cheats as a result of their partner’s inattentiveness to their needs, the couple might need to assess the dynamics and communication patterns within the relationship from an outsider’s point of view.
Adultery could also be a result of boredom or driven by hedonistic desire, in which case, the couple must evaluate their individual boundaries and levels of intimacy. After coming to a mutual understanding between both parties to persist in their romance, extra measures must be taken by the guilty party to reassure their partner of their loyalty.
In any case, resolution requires couples to put aside their egos and lingering insecurities to convey their genuine feelings to each other.
Relationship counselling is highly recommended for couples to move past daunting challenges such as these, as certain habits or grievances can prove quite tricky to navigate without guidance or a neutral party. In some success cases, overcoming the trial of infidelity leads to a sturdier, more cherished relationship forged through fire.
So to answer the question of whether cheating is the herald of a relationship’s conclusion, it all boils down to whether it had stable foundations to begin with — some people tend to resort to cheating once they feel emotionally distant from the relationship as a whole.
As Marriage Therapist Tomoka Iimura put succinctly, “Infidelity, by itself, does not have to be a deal-breaker. If the couple is able to fully engage in the repair work, there is hope.”
